If you follow my blogs and social media channels you might have started to question diet culture and understand more about the non-diet approach. Perhaps though, other people’s chatter has the potential to give rise to panic about your weight, feeling body shame or even envy if someone you know has lost weight.
The problem is that even if you have begun to have doubts about the effectiveness of dieting, there are plenty of other people still trapped within the dieting mindset and see this as their only option.
No matter where you are or who you’re with, it’s likely that someone will discuss their own body dissatisfaction, talk about their latest diet or weight loss and perhaps remark on your weight.
It might be that your mum has been commenting on your body or weight all your life. It is likely she will think this is normal, that she is being helpful and that this comes from a place of love. It’s also quite plausible that your mum had the same experience with her mum too.
WHY OUR REACTIONS CAN CAUSE THE MOST HARM
For many of the women I work with, their friends, family and even work colleagues can make triggering comments that can easily derail them if they don’t put certain measures in place.
It’s important to acknowledge that if your mum or friends have not done the work of dismantling diet culture in their life, they will continue to share their thoughts and beliefs with you -and think that its ok. So be prepared to expect it. But know that the next time you will be prepared.
To do this, it’s helpful to understand that your thoughts moderate your emotions. This in turn will affect how you react to the situation.
So let’s take Sally for example. Every time she visits, her mum tells her that she’s on a ‘great new diet’ and isn’t it time that she tried this too as she hasn’t lost any weight. ‘Think how you will look after’ she tells her.
Sally is triggered by this conversation; she has been working hard on eating in a more balanced way and focusing on breaking her binge-restrict cycle. However, these remarks provide a cue for a cascade of automatic thoughts, ‘She’s right you know, I should be losing weight, I’ve failed at every diet so far, this isn’t working, what the hell is wrong with me? And the thoughts go on……
The automatic thoughts trigger a stress response and a range of emotions including confusion, despair, and shame. When Sally gets home she decides to skip her next meal and later in the day ends up bingeing.
SO WHAT CAN BE DONE WHEN THIS HAPPENS TO YOU?
1. Firstly, give yourself compassion. This is key. The way you think is not your fault and has likely come from years of influence from your primary caregivers, your environment, your peers and mass media messages.
2. Offer the offenders compassion. They do not understand. They will need to go on their own journey in order to acknowledge the unintentional harm they may be causing.
3. Decide how you will think about a specific person’s comments in advance. Write down a prepared thought and keep repeating it to yourself.
(For Sally this thought may be something like; ‘My mum’s only solution is to diet, she feels ashamed of her body’)
4. Put boundaries in place:
You could decide to walk away from the conversation. Find a reason to remove yourself such as going to the loo, or taking a stroll outside.
You may also want to tell the person politely, firmly and clearly that discussions about your body or weight are a strictly no-go area. (If you are a people pleaser – please note that you have EVERY right to do so)
You might want to take it one step further by stating that you are not willing to engage in this conversation – how you look after your body is your choice and your choice only.
5. Thought work
This is something that will take time and you may need support from a coach who is qualified in this area. (I spend a minimum of 12 weeks working on mindset among other things with my clients). This involves becoming aware of your automatic thoughts without judgement and reprogramming your mind’s reactions to triggers.
Sally’s example illustrates how we create the reality through the thoughts we think which influence the emotions we feel. However, we can control not only our emotional reaction but also the aftermath of situations by changing what we think and believe.
Until next time
Marcelle x
P.S. Are you longing to find food and body freedom?
Would you love to make peace with your body and build a happy relationship with food?
Come and join us in the FOOD FREEDOM COLLECTIVE, Facebook community- a safe place where you can question, share, learn + feel supported without judgement, comparison and shame. In the group my aim is to help you cut through the confusion and anxiety you feel around food and eating along with sharing motivation and steps you can take to get off the diet rollercoaster for good. And what’s more it’s free to join!
If you would love to leave your years of dieting behind you and create positive change in your life then come and join us now!
JOIN THE COMMUNITY